


A Silent Apology (AL:Sequel)

by tugalicious



Series: Another Life [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Again, Eli is a depressed fuck who needs to get a grip, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, aaaaaangst, alisa is actually the reason why eli and nozomi are even friends, but - Freeform, i cant do tags, nozoomi doesn't remember you, please trust me the content is better than the tags, sisters from another mister, soldier gay trio, umi and eli are brothers from another mother, you get what i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 04:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13756329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tugalicious/pseuds/tugalicious
Summary: at some point in life, you have to face your fears. that's exactly what eli does.





	1. 1 - Her

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jpnbluww](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jpnbluww).



> the awaited sequel of another life is here, thank you for the support on the first one and i hope this sequel can satisfy and quench your thirst of the parfait gays!

_Dear Nozomi,_

_Do you remember how we met?_

_I’ll tell you it within this letter so please listen to me…_

_It was winter break, I just moved over to Japan from Russia. My language skills in Japanese were still lacking but it was enough to form a simple conversation. Alisa was still not old enough to understand much and so I became a fierce and protective sister for her. Why am I telling you this? That’s probably what you’re thinking right now, well...it’s important and a key feature in this story._

_One day, after we had settled into our new home. Mother had told me to take Alisa to the park and get to know the small neighbourhood area we had moved in. I complied with my parent’s wishes and brought Alisa with me to the small park nearby our house. Not many kids were around, there was a small group mixed with boys and girls and then there was you…sitting on the swing-set alone._

_Alisa wanted to play on the swing-set so again, I complied with her wishes and seated her on the small swing-set next to you. I remember that you had quickly snuck a peek at us but then averted your gaze to the ground straight after. It was normal for people to do that, because of_ our Russian _genetics we gave off a delinquent-type aura. Our hair and eye-colour did not help either, it caused a lot of struggle especially since we didn’t have a full grasp of the Japanese language yet._

_I carried on pushing Alisa but heard a small voice, it was you._

_“Hello?” Was all you said, Alisa immediately picked up and being the naïve child she was, she started a conversation up with you. I continued to ignore you since I did not have any interest in making new friends. The sudden move from my comfort and_ home _country had caused me to turn cold and distant. Not that I didn’t already resemble that but it grew worse over the move._

_Then, Alisa pulled me into the conversation, “This is my big sis Eli! She’s the same age as you!” I quickly scowled at my sister but it was no use, I had been captured by those eyes of yours. A curious and sparkling emerald that made my heart skip, I shook my head and sent a glare towards you. It was no use, you were already giggling at my antics. I remember my face falling and turning red, your giggles were the cutest melody to my ears._

_“I-It’s nice to meet you_ Eli _, m-my name is Toujou Nozomi. I-I hope we can be friends!”_

 _I scoffed, “Why would I want to be friends with you.” Thinking about it now, I was really harsh but I guess you could think of it as a teenager phase? Again, even my words were no use. You just clung_ onto _my arm and chuckled._

 _“_ Elicchi _is being mean because she thinks she’s too good for friends! I will be Elicchi’s friend then!”_

_I remember getting incredibly flustered and trying to shake you off of me but my resistance was futile. You had barged your way into my heart and I didn’t want to accept that._

_But, that meeting was only the start of something special...something so special that I cannot convey fully but through this letter, I will try my best to tell you._  
_The current situation as I write this isn’t good Nozomi, I’m so sorry. I feel like a big disappointment to you and I probably am in your eyes._

_You got into a car crash in our final year of high school, well_ actually , _a few months after our graduation of course. That’s a few months just after you got into the crash, this is the crash that changed your life, and even mine._

 _You_ was _diagnosed with temporary amnesia, and though you would probably gain your memories back at some point, it hurt me deeply. I’m a selfish person Nozomi, it really hurts knowing that you forgot about us. I have no right to feel like this, I know full well that I shouldn’t be acting like this._

 _Due to these selfish feelings, I was despicable. I started to avoid you, cut any contact_ of _you from my life and started to force myself to forget about you._

 _Avoiding you? That was easy enough; after you recovered fully, your parents decided to move overseas to America and brought you with them. You wouldn’t have refused_ anyways _, you barely remembered the memories we had and just had regained a grasp of the rest of our friends;_ µ's _._

 _Cutting contact? That was slightly difficult. I proceeded to block you on any social network I had, delete your phone number and change the number itself and, the hardest part – make the rest of µ's swear they wouldn’t give me away to you. Nico was the most resilient and after all this, I don’t blame her. If it wasn’t me by your side, surely Nico would be the one accompanying you and_ keeping _you happy. When I told her my plans to cut you out of my life and forget about you completely, we fought. It was quite a verbal toss between us and we didn’t stop quarrelling until Maki and Umi split us up._

 _But...to forget about you? I could never. That would be like killing a part of myself. Without you, my dear Nozomi, I feel like a half._ Anytime _I spent with you, I felt whole. I felt truly happy. Now, with everything has happened, sometimes...I cannot stop my thoughts of just wanting to fade away. If you were here by my side now, unaffected, I think I’d get a good scolding._

 _“Stupid_ Elicchi _, never think like that! You’re a valuable person and there’s a lot more meaning to life! Be grateful for what you have and never forget that!” That’s probably something you would say. I promise you Nozomi, I’m trying my best to keep positive._

_Sometimes though, positivity is futile._

_It’s not easy, being a college student. I’m still moping over you_ everyday _, I want to forget about you but when I think like that it hurts me more than ever, and I know I keep on repeating the exact same things but I guess it’s because I mean it so much._

_I don’t know when you will receive this letter Nozomi, I don’t plan on ever giving it to you._

_To be honest, I don’t plan on ever finding you again...I yearn for you once more in my life but it would kill me even more just to see you not remember me._

_And if you did? It just wouldn’t be the same._

_Toujou Nozomi, I love you and I hate you and I hate that I love you very much._

_-_  
_Ayase Eli._

-  
…  
-

Eli didn’t like to wake up and drag herself to her Monday morning college classes; but with the help of a local small café on the campus, she buys her daily hot chocolate and a breakfast bar to power her through the seemingly endless amounts of boring lectures.

How painful indeed, she does regret choosing the law course, what was the blonde even thinking when she decided to sign for this dreaded course? And now, it’s by far the second worst decision in her life, (the first being trying to forget Nozomi).

Taking a sip from the warm cup, she checked the time on her phone and realised she had half an hour till her classes start so she decides to go and visit the closest person she keeps contact with daily; Sonoda Umi.

Umi had been Eli’s underclassman throughout the two years they spent together in high school, (only getting to know each other and befriending in the final year) and was also a member of µ's. Actually, Umi was also part of the one-hit subunit ‘Soldier Game’ which was formed with their underclassman; Maki, Umi and Eli herself. The three got along quite well for being ‘the brains of µ's’ and with their personalities alike (yet not many got to see their dorky sides).

When Eli had announced that she’d distance herself, Maki partially took Nico’s side (mainly so the raven-haired girl wouldn’t have an outburst) leaving Eli with not many people to depend on; Nico, started to form a malicious attitude towards Eli, Honoka and Rin are quite dense so they didn’t take a side though Eli was sure that they’d also team up with Nico. Kotori and Hanayo as well, sided with Nico and didn’t wish for Eli to distance herself (since these were the two who also saw all the passionate friendship between Nozomi and Eli, they also became the main supporters of ‘NozoEli’), this left Umi.

Umi wasn’t too sure with Eli at first. It was just like when they barely knew each other, the navy-haired girl became quite a bundle of nerves thinking the blonde would lash out at her but it was the opposite.

One day, Eli had asked Umi to come over and the younger obliged. When she had arrived at Eli’s dorm, the sight wasn’t pretty. Eli slumped over in a sobbing mess with a bottle of vodka next to her (god knows where she got it from, and how she even obtained it with her age). When the blonde caught on that Umi had arrived (which she really hadn’t expected), she ended up breaking down into the younger girl’s arms and weeping for Nozomi.

After that day, Umi had started to keep a closer eye on Eli, from that experience; Eli’s trust in Umi grew. She knew the underclassman understands her intentions behind trying to distance herself and wanting to forget Nozomi, (Umi also clarifies quite often that she doesn’t agree with the blonde’s choices but will try and support her) so other than her family (who she can’t really talk to about this dilemma), Maki (who will sometimes meet-up with the blonde if she’s free), Umi is the only one who she really gets to talk to about her problems and life.

Eli pulls herself out of her thoughts and stands outside the door of Umi’s dorm room. She didn’t walk nearly half of the campus just to leave now and plus, Eli likes talking to Umi during the early hours on days like this (even though her underclassman has a track record of sleeping-in and if you wake her you’re sure to regret ever existing).

The blonde knocks on the door and sure enough, it doesn’t take long until a half-awake Umi appears at the door and offers a small smile before greeting Eli a mumbled ‘good morning’ and welcoming her into the room.

“You’re up early today aren’t you?” Eli asks, taking a seat on the chair perched up against Umi’s desk.

Umi grunts and takes a seat on the bed, “Honoka called and my phone’s ringtone woke me up. I don’t who changed my ringtone and when they did it but now I have to wake up to Kotori’s voice.”

The blonde has to muffle a snort, it wasn’t a secret that Umi always had a soft spot for Kotori (and Honoka too, but that’s more secretive) and because of this, Kotori was able to use that to her advantage and make Umi submit to even some of the most devious plans. Eli still couldn’t count the many times Kotori had forced Umi into ‘shameless’ costumes for µ's just by using that little trick of hers.

“You don’t how to change it?” Eli asks, tilting her head with curiosity.

The navy-haired girl shakes her head, “I do, it’s just that…”

Eli stopped her underclassman before she could trail off with a smirk, “It’s no secret, you’ve got a thing for your childhood friend...or should I say friends?”

“E-Eli!” Umi exclaimed, burrowing her face in a bird plush, (which coincidentally, Kotori made for her). Eli chuckles and rests her hands against her cheek.

“It must be nice to have someone you like...” She mutters under her breath and feels something wet roll down her cheek. “Huh?”

Umi raises her head and sees Eli starting to shed tears, “Eli, it’s okay. Let it out.” She climbs off of her bed and pulls her friend into her arms who starts sobbing.

“I miss her a lot Umi, it really hurts but I don’t know how to let go of these feelings...I can’t stop getting so hung over her.”

The underclassman scrunches her face up for a moment; in concentration, before widening her eyes. “That’s it!” She breathes out, loosening her grip on Eli and grabbing her phone.

“What?” Eli raises an eyebrow with confusion, “What do you mean by, ‘That’s it!’?”

Amber eyes glow and Umi shoves the phone into Eli’s hand, “Nozomi is one of my contacts, you should just contact her and stop cowering away from those feelings of yours. By now, Nozomi knows everyone in µ's except you Eli!” The blonde visibly recoils at Umi’s suggestion, feeling a pang of loneliness shoot through her chest.

“I can’t, I’m sorry Umi.” Eli shakes her head and shoves the phone back into her friend’s hands before grabbing her personal belongings and hurrying away.

Contact Nozomi? After all of this effort she put into trying to avoid her and forget those feelings? Umi must be out of her mind to suggest such an idea to Eli.

The blonde heads for her class, knowing that she can just hide out there until it starts. Not that it’d help, Umi’s words keep on haunting her mind as she opens the door to her class and takes a seat at the back.

“N-Nozomi.” Eli mumbles, clutching at her chest. “Why did you have to leave? Why did you have to forget?” Sadness turned into frustration, “It’s so unfair! That was supposed to a nice day, this shouldn’t have happened to you...for you to lose a whole part of your life like that, even if it is just temporary.”

Eli sighs, trying to recollect her thoughts and compose herself; class starts soon and she’d rather not be caught in such an ill state.

The bell rings, signalling the start of the morning classes and the blonde focuses her gaze on the desk in-front of her, she knows nobody will attempt to sit near the quiet Russian. It’s been like that since her graduation, rather than pursuing to be the Eli Ayase everyone knows. Instead, she started using her full name and her grandma’s maiden name.

That wouldn’t have been enough to cover up her identity, Eli had even gotten a haircut (though her hair grew back pretty fast) and started wearing glasses. Surprisingly enough, it fooled her fellow students and started to drift through college pretty easily without anybody recognises her or trying to bother her (and if they did, she’d use the ‘cold Russian glare’).

Everyone starts filling up the desks, just as Eli thought; none of her classmates would even think to take the risk of sitting next to her. But, she’s pulled out of her thoughts when she hears someone take a seat right beside her. Picking up her gaze from the desk, she turns to the person beside her and meets with familiar green eyes.

“I hope this seat is free! I’m a new student here and you looked kind of lonely so…yeah! Nice to meet you, I’m Toujou Nozomi! I used to live here in Tokyo but moved several years ago, I hope we get to know each other better!”

Eli fell speechless, her heart taking leaps but her stomach churning. Everything came back to her, from the sleepless nights, to the endless hours spent in the hospital looking at her injured and sick friend. The girl she loved and still loves, this is the girl who also forgot her.

The blonde furiously shakes her head and clears her throat, “It’s fine. Nobody usually sits next to me anyways. Do whatever you want.” And with that being said, Eli averts her gaze again. She knows if she stares at Nozomi for too long, it would start to get suspicious and well apart from that, she doesn’t want to feel this way. Anxiety starting to cripple her mind is never a good sign and now adding Nozomi to the equation is even worse.

“Okay listen up students, we have a new student who has transferred here from the United States of America. Please may you introduce yourself to the rest of the class, and then we can begin the lecture.”

Nozomi stands up next to her with a wide smile Eli barely sees from the corner of her eye, “Good-morning and nice to meet you all! I am Toujou Nozomi, I was born and raised here in Tokyo but due to a near-fatal accident, my parents moved abroad and brought me along with them. I chose to move back here to Tokyo because of some missions and to repair some of my past. I also felt like studying here again is the best path for me! Please proceed to take good care of me!”

“Thank you Toujou, now take a seat and we shall begin the next chap-” Eli starts to tune out of the lecture, pulling out her notebook and doodling in the corner. It wasn’t like the lecturer was teaching something new and important, most of the lessons they are taught now, she already knows. Most of the time, the lecturer would run over the history of many cases that are famous (or infamous), question students on what’s right or wrong, and mainly just test the wits of her classmates.

By now, Eli had already read through most of the law textbooks in the campus library and practically educated herself on nearly every corner of the agonisingly, painful subject.

The blonde feels a nudge against her arm and is again, meeting with those sparkling emeralds; which this time are curiously staring at her notebook.

“Aren’t you supposed to be paying attention?” Nozomi asks, still looking down at the notebook. Eli closes the notebook and glares.

“I don’t need to…Half of the stuff he’s teaching right now, I learned this before the term even began. Most of the textbooks in the library I’ve read too, I’m not dumb enough to sign for a subject I don’t even know that well and not educate myself and understand it thoroughly. You are underestimating me Toujou.”

The violet-haired girl giggles and Eli feels blood rise to her cheeks. She forgot how cute Nozomi was, after all this time, her feelings for her old best friend had never changed. “Sorry...I didn’t mean to make assumptions. I figured that you probably already knew all of this and that’s why you were doodling with a bored expression. Law is a fascinating subject, isn’t it...miss?”

“Don’t call me that,” Eli mutters under her breath, “I’m Elichika Ivanov, just call me Eli for short.”

Nozomi’s face glosses with recognisation for a second, Eli worries she might have said too much but Nozomi speaks up, “Is that so? I used to have an old friend apparently, she was called Ayase Eli. I don’t remember much because of a dear accident I was in. My friends told me a lot about her though and I’ve been curious about her since, I think she might’ve been an important figure in my life...” Nozomi trails off, “A-Ah sorry! I didn’t mean to trail off. I guess you kind of remind of her. You have an uncanny appearance, Russian genes?”

“Yeah, I was born in Russia but my family moved here. After becoming familiar with this country, when they moved back to Russia, I stayed here to carry on studying.” The blonde lies, a nonchalant expression plastered onto her face – hoping Nozomi doesn’t see through her lies of course.

The violet-haired girl smiles, “I see. Well, I hope I get to know you more Eli!”

Eli searches for something to say, but her voice fails her, instead she just flashes a small smile and nods. For the rest of her lecture, Eli sits in silence and occasionally peeks at Nozomi, planning on what to do next now that Nozomi is entering her life again.


	2. 2 - nostalgia.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eli is gayer than before, and she is screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a long awaited chapter, i get really bad author's block. it is shorter than i wanted but i felt satisfied with what i wrote and don't want to drag it on and ruin it.

The next few weeks for Eli were quite a breeze; surprisingly. That’s if you took Nozomi out of the equation. 

For the last few weeks, the violet-haired girl had been non-stop pestering Eli since her arrival at the college. Questions like ‘What is it like where you lived in Russia?’ and ‘Do you miss your family?’ were constantly being asked and the blonde felt like she was finally being pushed to the edge and ready to give into Nozomi’s curiosity; so she could just shake her off. 

Despite that, Eli feels a lot more relaxed than her previous years. Could it be because of Nozomi? Eli wanted to immediately cross out the possibility but, it’s most likely the causation.

The day before she knew Nozomi had arrived, she was struggling to sleep. But now? She can sleep easily. No more tossing and turning, no more nightmares of that day. Her sleep is finally undisturbed and Eli could never feel more at peace. 

Though, that’s not always the case. Mid-day, Eli is fighting the internal war against herself. The past half of her wants to reveal everything to Nozomi and be comforted by the girl. The other half? This half of Eli wants nothing to do with Nozomi; even though it yearns for her, it seems to have created a bubble of dislike inside of Eli and tries to make the blonde distance herself from her old best friend.

Eli feels sick at her own thoughts, to hate Nozomi is something she could never bring herself to do. No matter how many times she tried to spit malice at the other members, always mentioning the feeling of distain towards the purple-haired girl after she had left. Those feelings were always the lie though, the blonde just wanted to cover up the heartbreak she was going through. 

The blonde shakes her head to snap herself out of her thoughts; in one ear she can hear the quiet chatter of the students she passes by. When Nozomi arrived, Umi hadn’t even been aware until Eli had ranted to her on the phone. Since then, the navy-haired girl has been trying her best to support Eli and for all of her efforts – Eli is thankful. 

“I’m just around the corner from your door now, is it unlocked?” 

“No,” replies Umi, Eli hears some shuffling and a door unlocking, “Now it is.”

Eli lets out a chuckle and arrives at her destination, “Safe to come in?” Before she got a response, Umi is already opening the door and welcoming her friend in. 

“You’re always welcome here Eli like I usually say. Sit down and I’ll brew you some hot chocolate.”  
Eli takes a seat, perking up at the mention of her favourite beverage. Her eyes wonder around the dormitory as usual until they land on her friend. Not wanting to sit in an awkward silence, Eli breaks the ice. “How is Kotori and Honoka?”

Umi pauses for a moment, stirring the hot chocolate in a mug. “Ah, Kotori...she’s expecting to go overseas to Paris soon, and Honoka is helping her family out at Homura’s. Why do you ask?”

“Nothing! I just didn’t want to sit here in silence.” Eli mumbles, fidgeting with her fingers. To the other students, Eli is an ideal role model. She is respectable, cold, calm and dependant. If you get to know Eli though, she is far from most of those. Eli is actually quite a dork, socially inept and far from being dependant. 

The navy-haired girl passes the mug of hot chocolate to Eli; who accepts with a thank you and takes a sip from it. “Look...Umi, I’m sorry for my actions two weeks ago...I’m just...” Eli pauses, feeling her throat knot up. She swallows her fears down and concentrates on the friend in front of her, “I’m just afraid...that I will lose her again if she comes back into my life. I am afraid to experience that pain again. I don’t want to Umi...I can’t lose her for a second time.”

Umi’s gaze weakens seeing the blonde façade crumble before her eyes, it wasn’t easy watching the upperclassman she has admired for years fall apart in front of her like this. 

“Eli...if you’re so afraid to lose her again, why don’t you fight to keep her? Bring her back into your life and hold her tight? Not too tight, but make her feel safe and secure.”

Eli clenches her teeth, trying to hold back the mixed emotions spiralling inside of her, “Umi...I was doing that,” she manages to whisper, wanting to hold back her voice and not lash out at her only friend, “I made sure she was safe and secure yet, that day happened…Because of that day, I lost one of the most precious people to me and now she’s back, I’m just a coward!”

The navy-haired girl places a hand on Eli’s shoulder, “Then muster up some courage, whether it takes you weeks or months. Don’t rush forward and take baby steps, you can do this Eli. I believe you and so do the rest of us.”

“Rest of us?” The blonde asks, staring up at Umi with a puzzled expression. 

Umi nods and smiles, “The rest of μ’s believes in you as well, they never hated you Eli. That’s just what you made yourself believe.” 

Eli looks at the floor, “I will then...sometimes this week, I’ll try to properly interact with Nozomi, okay?”

The navy-haired girl pats Eli’s shoulder, “That’s the spirit. I’ll see you later, okay? I have a class to attend soon.” Eli flashes Umi a thumbs up and departs from her friend’s dorm room. 

“What was I thinking?” Eli mutters to herself, tugging on a lock of her hair. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this...I really can’t do thi-”

The blonde’s body collides with another and she looks down, the familiar violet-hair sounds all the alarms inside her head. 

“Eli?” That sweet voice of hers asks, bringing Eli out of her state of temporary shock. 

“A-Ah Nozomi! I-I’m really sorry!” The blonde stutters out, quickly getting down to her knees and helping Nozomi pick up all of her belongings.

Nozomi giggles; Eli feels light-headed. “You’re funny Eli, don’t make such a fuss. I wasn’t looking where I was going so it’s my fault.”

Eli swiftly shakes her head, “No! It’s really my fault, don’t take all of the blame. I was distracted by my own thoughts to even bother looking in front of me.”

The two make a compromise and split the fault between them before standing back up on their own feet. Nozomi is the first to break the silence that had overcome them.

“Where are you heading to Eli?”

Eli scratches the back of her neck, “I just left my friend’s dorm...so I was just going to return to my own dorm and study.” 

The violet-haired girl beams, “How about we get a coffee then? I want to get to know you better Eli.” Nozomi’s words makes Eli’s face redden, she tries to think of an appropriate response but ends of choking out a weak ‘okay’ instead.

Both Eli and Nozomi make their way to a local coffee shop on the campus, not too over-populated but just the right amount. The smell of coffee and ambient jazz plays in the back, it reminds Eli of what a home feels like and she takes a seat at a table near the window; Nozomi following just behind.

“It’s nice here, isn’t it?” Nozomi asks, trying to signal over a waiter but also creating a conversation between herself and the blonde. 

“Yeah...” Eli says, feeling herself relax into the seat. It felt just like her highschool days, when she visited Akibahara’s Maid Café with Nozomi. 

The blonde is snapped out of her thoughts when Nozomi places her hand on hers, “Eli?” Eli shakes her head and sees emerald and hazel eyes staring at her.

“Sorry...I will have a...uh...parfait with a hot chocolate, please.” 

The waiter scribbles down Eli’s order and repeats it, “Two parfaits, a water and hot chocolate?”

Nozomi and Eli nod in synchronisation and the waiter leaves to give their order to the baristas. 

“Parfait hm?” Eli asks, remembering all the times they went together to grab parfaits after school. The memory sends a pang of hurt through her chest and she winces slightly at the feeling. 

Nozomi grins, “My friend Kotori used to work in a café and she told me I would always go there after school with my old friend Elicchi to have parfaits. I desperately wanted to remember her so I asked Kotori to take me there and we ordered parfaits...they tasted delicious and I faintly remembered a time when I went there with someone...I think it was Elicchi but her face was blurred” The violet-haired girl pauses for a moment, a frown appearing for a split second before it’s erased by a smile, “I still can’t remember her but the parfait was delicious and I wanted to get them again. What about you Eli? You kind of remind me of how my friends described Elicchi, are you sure you’re not Elicchi hiding from me?” Nozomi teases. 

Eli feels her heart sink, she desperately wants to scream out the truth. She averts her gaze to stop herself from doing so and before she can respond the waiter returns with their order.

The pair thank the waiter and dig into their meals, “You don’t have to actually answer me Eli, I am sorry for trying to pry.” 

Eli watches Nozomi carefully after her apology, wanting to reassure her but no words could come out. She can feel the guilt eating away at her mind, gnawing on her thoughts and trying to break out. Eli can’t let that happen...not after all of her hard-work, she’s still not ready.

Luckily, Nozomi starts a new topic between them. Eli occasionally tunes in hearing the girl blabber something on about tarot cards and reading. Eli is slightly relieved, at least she hadn’t lost that distinct side of her. Nozomi had been fondly known for her tarot card readings and her spiritual touch, she even volunteered at the local shrine near their old high school; Otonokizaka. 

“It was nice to share such a day out with you Eli, I hope we can do this again. Here is my number, let’s become good friends, okay?” And with that Nozomi left her, leaving nothing behind but the sweet aroma and a small piece of paper with a number faintly written on it.

Eli already knows at this point, she’s whipped again for Nozomi and there is nothing that she can do to stop it. The old feelings she had for Nozomi are returning, and they are stronger than ever.

The blonde enters the number into her phone and decides to send a message to Nozomi whilst she is leaving the coffee shop (after paying for her part of the meal, since Nozomi had paid for hers too). 

\- Hey this is Eli, thanks for today. It was nice to take a break from the usual routine. I look forward to getting to know you more Nozomi.

Eli sighs, wondering if she can really do this and decides to return to her dorm. After today, she needed nothing but a warm shower, a cup of hot chocolate and a nice good night’s sleep. 


	3. 3 - euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eli comes to terms with the fact that she cannot hide her feelings anymore and finally confesses to nozomi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of 'A Silent Apology' awaits, thank you for the support and I am sorry for the slow updates. Please enjoy the final chapter I bring to you and soak in the NozoEli.

It had been a few months since Nozomi had transferred, and Eli didn’t want to lie to herself; she is falling in love with Nozomi all over again. 

To be fair, Eli had been spending a pretty, hefty amount of her time with her old friend, still pretending to be the girl who doesn’t exist. She still isn’t ready to confess her identity Nozomi, but she knows that she won’t be able to keep the game running forever.

And when Eli sees that twinkle in Nozomi’s green eyes, she feels her heart melts. It feels like everything she built over the last few years, just crumbles to pieces. It feels like Nozomi never left in the first place and they are still in high school sharing a parfait after practice. 

Eli sighs; she knows she should be working on her project that the teacher assigned with Nozomi, but Law can wait. After all, she still is ahead on the course and wouldn’t have to worry about some silly project...that is if Nozomi weren’t her partner. Why did she even get paired up with the violet-haired girl anyways?

The blonde huffs to herself and gives in, picking up her phone and dialling Nozomi’s number.

“Hello, Eli?” She hears the other voice ask, Eli notices that even after all the years she’s been overseas, she still has a hint of the Kansai dialect.

“Ah, h-hi Nozomi...I was wondering if we could continue with the project, it’s best to finish it whilst we can, isn’t it?” Eli stutters out, mentally cursing the butterflies in her stomach and her gay crush on Nozomi.

She hears an amused giggle and her face turns red, great, now she’s a laughing stock in Nozomi’s eyes. “Sure! I’ll come over to your dorm.” And Nozomi hangs up.

Crap, thinks Eli. She’s had Nozomi over at her apartment before but she had made sure to clean it beforehand. 

The blonde eyes’ skim around her room; littered with trash and she groans, “I am hopeless, it’s too much. College is going to be the death of me.” 

Eli stands up and gets to work on her room, shoving an immense amount of cheap, empty ramen noodle tubs into a bag. Hurrying to clean up the mess she left behind, the blonde promises she’ll sort it out later but for now, she needs to make sure she can impress Nozomi. 

After cleaning up a majority of the mess, Eli breathes out with relief and looks at the much cleaner dorm room. That follows with the sound of knocking against the door and Eli walks over and opens it to greet her guest.

“It’s nice today, isn’t it?” States Nozomi, beaming widely. Despite the sun shining and lighting up the beautiful campus, Eli’s eyes are focused on Nozomi. 

Snapping out of her gaze, Eli muffles her embarrassment with a cough and nods her head, “Sure, come in and make yourself at home.” 

The violet-haired girl takes a step into Eli’s apartment and follows Eli – who notices and decides to make a comment, “You don’t have to follow me, just take a seat and I’ll whip up something for the both of us...ah, I’m not the best of cook either. I hope you won’t be put off.” 

Nozomi flashes Eli a reassuring smile and the blonde leaves to prepare a snack for their study session, this leaves Nozomi to her own thoughts and immediately her eyes travel around the room. The only other times Nozomi has been in Eli’s apartment is briefly when the blonde has forgotten something or needed something. 

Her gaze lands on a photo of Eli and presumably; her family. Nozomi can immediately distinguish Eli and her breath is taken away. The photo looks around a several years old since Eli is still a child and what seems to be her younger sister, is very young too. 

Nozomi notices that Eli’s hair was much longer too, when she sneaks a glance at the blonde now, she looks almost different. Her eyes return to the photo, why does it feel like her heart is aching? Eli in this photo seems so familiar but Nozomi cannot put a finger on it and decides to drop the subject.

“What are you looking at?” Eli asks as she puts a tray down, following Nozomi’s eyes to her photo and she feels her stomach sink. She forgot to hide it. “My family photo...”

“You look so different,” The violet-haired girl comments, turning around and smiling at Eli, “and very pretty too. You were such a cute kid!” Nozomi pinches Eli’s cheeks and teases her causing the blonde to fluster and retaliate with a ‘I’m not cute!”, (though her grandma would say otherwise, ‘cute and clever Elichika’ will always exist).

“That was years ago anyways, I was visiting my grandma in Russia and we decided to take a family photo, the younger girl is Arisa – my sister,” Eli points to the younger girl, confirming Nozomi’s thoughts, “They are my parents, and that’s my grandma in the middle of them. I don’t get to see my grandma too often anymore but she would love to meet as someone as kind as you.” 

 

Eli scoffs to herself in her head; her grandma loved her stories about Nozomi the few times she visited her before the incident, if the incident hadn’t happened, Eli planned to take Nozomi with her the next time. 

The blonde sighs sadly but quickly covers it with a cough, “Anyways, the meal I prepared is finished. I made some yaniku…I don’t know if you will like it.” Eli trails off but watches Nozomi dig into the meat. 

“Thank you Eli! I love yakiniku!” Nozomi grins, her eyes twinkling at the sight of her favourite food leaving Eli to chuckle and watch, before returning to grab a drink for her and Nozomi. 

Eli stands in the mini-kitchen, taking a breather. She planned beforehand to finally tell Nozomi the truth. 

With enough courage finally mustered, Eli grabs the drinks and sets them down whilst she takes a seat next to Nozomi.

“Ah Nozomi, before we start our study session...I have something to say, I hope you can listen closely and forgive me for this.” The blonde starts, shutting her eyes momentarily to hide away from Nozomi’s gaze. She feels her own heart racing and her palms starting to get sweaty, she needs to say it now or else it will be lost forever.

“What is it Eli? Why are you so serious all of a sudden?” Nozomi asks, her eyes filled with genuine concern for the blonde but also a mix of confusion.

Eli takes another breath, “I...It’s about who I am, my identity more or less...I don’t really know how to put this,” she pauses, meeting Nozomi’s eyes when she opens her own, “I am not actually Elichika Ivanov, I lied about that. Ivanov is my grandmother’s old maiden name...it was a cover for who I actually was. It was easy to get away with it as well, I had gotten a haircut and started wearing glasses and people eventually forgot about me and so I did get away with this but then, you transferred.”

Nozomi sits in silence, listening to Eli’s every word, “When I transferred...why is that?” She questions, waiting patiently for Eli’s response.

“Toujou Nozomi, I am sorry for all of my actions in the past, my name is Ayase Eli and I would like to get to know you.” 

Nozomi’s eyes widen, “A-Ayase...E-Eli? You’re...Ayase Eli?”

Eli hangs her head, nodding gently. She drops to her knees and presses her head against the cold, wooden floor of her dormitory. “I am sorry for how I’ve treated you whilst you were gone! It was never your fault and I was so bitter that I lost my best friend and lover! Because of my stupid choices, I lost my friends and even you...I am so sorry Nozomi, I understand if you don’t want to forgive me.” 

But, before Nozomi can even answer, Eli bolts up and out of her dormitory leaving the violet-haired girl behind in shock and confusion. 

Eli slows down as she nears the edge of the college campus and takes a breather, she knows she couldn’t remain in there to see the disgust on Nozomi’s face and now she can’t return to her apartment.

“Damn it.” She curses under her breath, pulling out her phone and dialling Umi. Maybe Umi can pull her out of this problem, shelter her somewhere so she can avoid Nozomi but as she waits for an answer from the other side, it never comes. “Of course, how could I forget? Umi is visiting Kotori and Honoka...it must feel nice.”

“What must feel nice?” A voice asks and Eli jumps, Nozomi is standing right in front of her; red and flustered but a torn expression along with longing and hurt. “Eli, why are you avoiding me?”

“Nozomi...” She trails out, but cannot find the words to complete her sentence. The violet-haired girl grabs her hands and forces Eli to look her blank in the eyes. 

“I’ve been searching all this time for the missing puzzle piece of my memories and you were here –  
all this time – right in front of my eyes; why?” Nozomi sounds like she is going to tear up, Eli tries to revert her gaze but Nozomi always makes her look at her. “Please...Eli...what happened to us? I just want it back.” 

“But, you don’t even remember us...” Eli mutters, and that causes Nozomi to tug at the blonde’s hands.

“Don’t say that! If I had been with you all this time I could’ve! I hated feeling empty and guilty all this time Eli! It made me miserable, if it wasn’t for Nico then I probably wouldn’t have even found you! She was the one who told me about you, all about us, I want it back...I need it back.”

Eli clenches her teeth, trying to prevent her own tears, “Can we even have it back? After all this time, after all of those memories, the way I’ve treated you...Nozomi, you deserve someone better than me. Stop chasing after me and move on!” 

“I should say the same thing to you Eli! I know you still feel the same way about us! How can you let it go so easily? Was our bond really nothing?”  
The blonde eyes’ blaze at Nozomi’s words, “Far from it! I loved every second I spent with you and I still do. All this time it’s been an agonising and wrenching pain in my heart weighing down on me, I couldn’t hide from you anymore and I have just wanted to remove you from my life but my world is you! It’s too painful to let you go…That’s how much this bond is to me.”

Nozomi engulfs Eli into a hug, the blonde finally feeling her heart skip a beat at the old, familiar warmth of her ex-lover. “N-Nozomi…?” 

“Elicchi...please never let me go again.” She whispers into the girls shoulders, soaking the cloth with tears. “I want to stay by your side forever.”

“O-Okay.” Eli mutters, pulling away from the hug gently and then pulling Nozomi into a kiss full of passion and love. Eli wraps both of her arms around the violet-haired girl’s waist and deepens their kiss, never wanting to lose this feeling again but having to detach herself. “I love you.”

“I love you too Elicchi...let’s stay together.”

“Let’s stay together then.” She smiles and brushes her hand against Nozomi’s cheek lovingly, finally joyed that she can be with her best friend and lover again.


End file.
